


In Our Own Way, Part Three

by jeweldancer



Series: Cas and Dean [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Family Drama, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 08:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5659396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweldancer/pseuds/jeweldancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his panic attack, Cas doubts that Dean will want to continue their relationship. Dean is quick to reassure him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Our Own Way, Part Three

"I'm here, Cas. I'm here. You're gonna be okay, I promise. I...I love you."

Dean had managed to get Cas into bed, and was nestled around him. He and Sam had each taken one of his arms, walked him into Dean's bedroom, and helped him change into pajamas. Sam brought a glass of juice--with a straw, Dean reminded him--and Cas had been able to drink about half of it. Dean saw with relief that a little color was returning to his face. 

Sam touched Cas's shoulder. "Hey, man. We're here for you, okay? Anything you need." He nodded to Dean. "I'll be in the living room. Just yell if you need anything."

"Sam...thanks." Dean turned his full attention to Cas, easing him back onto the pillows and tucking him under the blankets. He brought a cool, damp washcloth from the bathroom and bathed Cas's swollen eyes with it. 

"Cas." Dean looked into his eyes, but Cas turned on his side, away from Dean. He stared at the wall. "It's okay. You can talk when you're ready. I'll be here." He curled around Cas's back like a spoon and wrapped his arm around Cas's waist. "I love you."

Cas sighed and relaxed a little. Very slowly, he moved his hand to grip Dean's. Dean gently kissed the back of his head. Castiel closed his eyes and slept.

Dean held Cas for about half an hour, then extricated himself from the covers. He knew Sam and Bobby were still out there, worried, and he had strained his back lifting the Christmas tree. He made a stop in the kitchen for some ibuprofen and a glass of water, then continued into the living room.

"He's sleeping now." 

Sam nodded, and Bobby let out a huff of air. "Best thing for him right now, I expect."

"Listen, Bobby. I really can't thank you enough."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Dean. We're family, and that's what family's for. I'll come anytime you need me, God willing and the creek don't rise." He finished his soda and then rose from his chair. "I'm gonna get home now. I left in a hurry and Ellen'll be worried. If you need any help at work next week, just give me a call."

Dean looked at Bobby blankly.

"He'll be shaky for a few days, son. You might want to take a little time off; stay close to home. I'll be happy to come by the shop and make sure everything's running smooth."

"Bobby, you're a lifesaver. I hadn't even thought past tonight." Dean saw him to the door and locked it behind him. 

"Has Cas told you anything yet?" Sam asked.

"Nope. Not a word. I mean, he doesn't have the greatest relationship with his folks, he's told me about that. They're ashamed that he's gay, ashamed that he's an artist, on and on. You know. Plus I think he practically raised his little sister."

"Ah. No wonder you two understand each other so well. You were both pretty much the sole caretaker for a sibling."

"Sam, don't start that psychology crap. I just did what anyone else would have done..."

"Not many people would've done what you did, Dean. Or what Cas did. But I think I know what happened." Sam took a drink of his beer and held up Cas's phone. "He left this on the coffee table. His mother's been texting the hell out of him."

"Let me see it!"

"Shh, Dean. I deleted them. It's nothing anybody needs to see. Apparently this lady is pretty messed up. Anyway, I think she came by your apartment to see him and just went crazy. She's been going back and forth from saying he's a blight on the family name, to threatening to jump off a bridge and it'll all be his fault."

"Jesus." Dean's chest started to hurt. What had Cas gone through when he was a kid? In his lifetime? Most people would have turned irrevocably bitter, but Cas was only anxious and kind. 

The phone buzzed again. Dean gave him a questioning look, but Sam just shook his head and deleted the message.

"Block her number, Sam."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I know it's kind of overstepping, but this is an emergency situation. If he sees one of those who knows what will happen."

 

Cas slept like the dead until about nine pm. He started awake suddenly. Why did he feel like he'd been hit by a truck? Wait. His mother. The whole afternoon crashed back down on him, and he wished he had never woken up. He slowly became aware of a warmth at his back. 

Dean. He was in Dean's apartment, in Dean's bed. Castiel felt both profound relief and crushing dread. Dean certainly wouldn't stay with him after all this. Not after he'd seen how crazy he was. Even his own mother had no use for him. He pressed his face in the pillow to fight back a sob. Dean would be nice about it, but Cas would have to leave and be alone. He was no good to anyone.

"Cas? You awake, buddy?" Dean stroked his back slowly.

The gentle touch undid Cas completely. "Dean, don't. I can't."

Dean withdrew his hand immediately. "I'm sorry, Cas. I should've asked before touching you."

"That's not it. It's...I know everything is ruined now, and I can't stand you being nice to me."

"What's ruined, Cas?"

"The Christmas tree. Christmas. Our relationship. My family. Everything's gone."

"Cas, no. Cas. Nothing is ruined. You think that could ruin us? I thought we'd established that we're your family. Me, Sam, Jess, Charlie, Bobby and Ellen...we all care about you, Cas. Nothing changes that."

"Dean, my own parents are disgusted by me. Who else would want to be around me? I'm a mistake."

"Cas, I can't explain your parents, but I know anyone's life would be poorer without you in it. The only mistake is that you were born to a family that doesn't deserve you. But you have a real family now. We all love you, and we're not letting you go."

"You could do so much better than me. I would be selfish not to let you go."

"Cas. Is it okay if I touch you now?"

Cas nodded and sniffled.

Dean rolled Cas onto his back and cupped his face in his hands. "Listen to me, babe. I love you. I'm not going anywhere. You're it for me."

"You can't mean that."

"I can, and I do. Listen, Cas. If anyone is dating above their pay grade here, it's me. I mean, you're gorgeous, college educated, an artistic genius, one of the kindest people I've ever met...you're the one who could do better."

Tears started spilling from Cas's eyes. "Dean," he whispered, "what if I end up like them? Like my parents?"

"That'll never happen."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'll smack you upside the head if you do."

Cas stared at him, then started snickering. He laughed so hard that he gasped for air. He had heard of ugly crying; clearly this was ugly laughing. "Dean, anyone that could make me laugh after the day I've had is a rare and special person indeed."

"I don't know about that, but I do know that there is a milkshake in the kitchen with your name on it."

"Really? How do you know that?"

"I texted Sam to run down to the place on the corner when I saw you were waking up. He oughta be back any minute now."

Cas sighed happily. "Best boyfriend ever."

"I knew you love milkshakes, I figured you wouldn't be up for eating much, and it'll help your sore throat. In other words, yes. Best boyfriend ever."

"How did you know my throat's sore?"

"Dude, your voice is about an octave lower than usual. Not that I'm complaining. It's sexy as hell."

Cas smacked Dean on the arm and braced himself to hop out of bed. As soon as he was upright, he was surprised by a wave of dizziness.

"Easy there, Cas. You're still a little shaky. Gonna have to take it easy for a few days. You're gonna stay here for a bit, so I can look after you."

"Oh, Dean. I can't trouble you like that."

"Hush. This is not negotiable. Now, do you want me to carry you out, or to bring the milkshake in here?"

Cas smiled at him gratefully. "Just an arm around my shoulder should be fine."

"Your wish is my command." Dean knew that everything wasn't over, that Cas still needed to talk about what happened. But that could wait until tomorrow. Tonight they could just be relieved that they had each other, and Sam, and milkshakes. For this moment, it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> There is going to be a part four, because of course Cas won't get over such a traumatic event so quickly, but I think both he and the readers need a little break!


End file.
